5:58 AM – 26 – balance

I bought these great rollerblades from the sporting goods store. They were not the most comfortable pair, but they felt fine, and they looked great. I got compliments from fellow customers when I put them on, so I bought them. Now I can soar down the paved path that runs along the beach, feeling the wind on my face. In truth, though, I prefer to walk close to the water, take off my shoes and walk along the part of the sand that is firm and wet, packed down, while waves break around my feet.

I have a few standing offers from the agents. They want to see all my new stuff, develop me as a writer… but what does that mean, really, that phrase? “Develop you as a writer.” I appreciate feedback; I welcome it. I hope that is what they mean. I continue to write TV specs. Another semifinalist, plus a quarterfinalist.

I think I want to try a feature, but first I should finish the TV stuff, should not veer off in a different direction just to prove I could succeed there, too, if I wanted. That has always been my problem. Once I feel sure I could succeed, have received confirmation from an objective third party, I become intensely interested in something else, a new challenge. I have managed to stick with TV writing, but there have been fits and starts. The feature thing, and this weblog, and a new site I decided to launch called L.A. Welcome, because I cannot sit still, cannot be content with what I have, feel I constantly have to prove myself.

I need to stop. Need to slow down, catch my breath, enjoy the beach and the hiking trails and the dinners with friends. I won’t be happy unless I am working, but I need balance. Focus. It’s dawn again, and I am moving forward.

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