4:31 PM – 12 – staying invisible

I am awkward. I am ugly. I have pimples on my forehead, and huge glasses. I look at photos of myself a few years ago and wonder what happened to that person. I do not know how to dress. I wear turtlenecks and cuff my jeans. I try to follow trends but am always a little bit off. I wish for this year to end. I wish to be out of middle school. Kids on the bus throw empty Tic-Tac containers out the windows at a boy who walks home. They shout insults at him. He is a nice boy; I do not know why they hate him so much. I don’t think they know, either.

I purposely flub some quizzes and tests in an effort to lower my grades. I do not want to stand out, I do not want to speak up. I want to move through this phase and move on. I have heard it gets better. I hope that is true. My parents tell me I am wonderful, but I don’t believe them. My sister is starting to tease me now, in retaliation for my earlier transgressions. I cannot fault her for doing it.

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